People Pleaser

Throughout the week, I often have things reflecting back to me about exactly what I need to understand within myself.

In my work, I spend a fair amount of time listening and coaching others. This week I met with a person on some feedback and what came to the surface is that they are a self professed people pleaser. I've heard this term just earlier in the week as I was reading an article about the same topic.

So what does it mean to be a people pleaser? I can tell you my definition, because this is something I sometimes see in myself.

People pleasing is when you put your own individual needs aside and do whatever it is you believe others around you want to see or hear.

What would cause a person to people please?

Well having some exposure to this, I can tell you there is always a root for why we do what we do.

The root of people pleasing has to do with how we learn about love and acceptance in our earliest examples of this.

It may be that at an early age, we accepted that in order to feel love and acceptance from others we need to do and say the things they want to hear in order to feel good about ourselves.

And from this same root I often also see this paired up with additional pressure to be perfect in everything we do. A spectrum of pass or fail, nothing in between.

Guess what this almost inevitably sets us up for in our lives?

Failure, because no one is perfect all the time, but if we can only identify love through acceptance from others, it's a loosing battle. Ongoing evolution of this behavior often sets us up for stress and overwhelm, putting the kids first, putting the husband first, above any of your own needs.

Guess how that feels at the end of the day? resentful, and empty

So how do you heal this aspect of yourself?

*Identify where ever it is that you are not listening to your own needs and wants. If you've spent a long time ignoring you own needs, it may take a while, spend some quiet time journalling, walking, meditating all on the question of what do I really want and need. What is in my heart?

*Go back to where that started, and where you took on this wrong definition of love and acceptance, look at it from a third party perspective, understand why it happened and then decide to shift that to something different.

*Re-create that definition of love and acceptance for what it really is, which is living your life through the truth of who you are. Loving yourself and accepting yourself in whatever state of evolution that you are.

I read this great article on mindset, that is a great reminder about how mindset shapes our reality. Living with a learning mindset, allows us to be curious about everything, and instead of beating ourselves up with pass or fail, it's all on a spectrum of learning.

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

I love this way of thinking which allows for curiosity and learning to be at the forefront of all your thinking.

Hope you find this helpful, and if you are still having issues of letting go of this area of your life or getting to the root of it, schedule a session.

Theta Healing Sessions can be done remotely(over the phone) or in person. For more information please contact me via my website. Theta allows me to see intuitively areas you have blocks and stops in your life and once we reach the core of them, releasing them leading to overall well being and healing.