An artists journey


When I start to create a project, I have an image of what it might look like before I begin, but I don't get much beyond that. Once I begin a concept, it eventually flows. There's a pretty big caveat in there though, 'eventually'. It takes me quite a bit of soothing to keep going at times. My mind will protest. Ugh, that doesn't look good, I don't get how this will turn into something, maybe I should just do something else, I haven't checked Facebook lately.....you get the picture. But inevitably and almost in almost all cases once I stick with it, even if it's not clear what the concept is until the very end, I love it.

Over time I've evolved my thinking on creating and what that all means. Early on I put much significance on the end goal and what it looked like. But I learned that it was too limiting of a perspective. The whole reason I even do art is because I feel so good in the making of it. And the less care I have in a brush stroke here or a mark there the better it actually turns out. It wasn't always that way though.

I didn't really acknowledge any kind of a creative nature within me until much later in my life. I can think back to my first 'thing' I made on my own. A quilt. Much earlier than when I invested in a mat or rotary cutter, I was cutting squares from a template. But once I started piecing behind the sewing machine, I could feel the hum of doing a thing over and over and the meditative nature of it. Where you start to feel your thinking brain release and relax set in. My mom helped me finish the quilt, showing me how to tie and sew the finishing edges. I still have that quilt today and every time I look at it, I don't notice its not perfect, I just remember how good it felt when I made it.

Another significant creative epiphany for me was shortly after I found friends interested in intuitive exploration and we went about this journey of learning together. I can't remember all the details around this vision, might have been a dream or possibly something in a meditation doesn't really matter at this point. I saw myself in front of an art easel with a canvas in front of me, immersed in a creative fuge, adding color, mixing with my hands, smearing blending, splashing, pouring myself onto a canvas. It was so moving as I could feel all the emotion being channeled through me and onto the canvas. Freeing and immersive, I was so moved. And shortly after began to use painting as a practice.

It's interesting to reflect on this journey now, because as I was going through I don't know that I fully understood where it was taking me. Just like every time I start a project. But I guess the message here is to trust. And just continue and know that it all really does fit into the tapestry of your life, like a quilt, or painting or any creative venture your heart leads you too. I'm so grateful for all the paths to my wonderful now. And I appreciate you too, I hope you find inspiration today and every day and that it brings you more fullness and richness in your every experience.

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